Relating to your Child During their GAP Year in Israel ~ Advice from Parents Who Have Been There
We asked parents who have already sent their kids on a GAP year program to Israel to offer advice to new GAP year parents sending their children for the first time. A lot of the experienced parents gave tips about how to relate to your child when they are so far away for the entire year. We've gathered some of these tips together in the hope that you can gain from their experience. Here is what they said:
► Encourage independence and empower them to do the problem-solving themselves as much as possible.
► Your kids will use you to dump their emotions. It’s what you want. Usually they can then take a deep breath and be ok. You may be left feeling that your child is in a horrible mental state, but in general, you’re just their safe space. Honor that. Don’t solve their issues unless they specifically ask you to. Breathe and be there for them and know that usually they’re enjoying themselves 5 minutes later.
► Let your kids know that you’ll be there if they need help but let them also figure things out and encourage them to advocate for themselves.
► If they complain, ask them to tell you what’s going right and what they DO like.
► Let your child grow wings. Don’t helicopter their experience. It’s likely their 1st opportunity to have to figure things out for themselves. Give them the space and trust to learn.
► Try to avoid micromanaging every part of the year. Encourage your child to do this as well. Part of the beauty is the adventure of doing something new and going with the flow.
► Set clear expectations about communication with your child about texting, calling, communication before Shabbat etc., especially if there is a significant time difference. This will reduce miscommunication.
► If your child is at a yeshiva or seminary, set up a time once a week when you learn with them. I had my son pick what we should learn based on what he had learned and got the book so we would each have one. Then we would FaceTime and do a chapter. We would spend a few minutes shmoozing and then we would learn. This allows for so many amazing blessings - time with your child, discussing things besides “how was your day”, getting to really understand what they are learning, meaning, perspective and being able to understand their growth over the year. It truly transforms how you interact.
► Encourage your child to address any issues that arise with the program directly. Some kids don’t know how to deal with conflict or issues but it is actually much easier for a person who is there to deal with most issues and not a parent that is thousands of miles away. The program staff can help find a doctor, get a prescription, help with a roommate or food issue easier than a parent can.
► Lower your expectations. No gap year program is perfect. As North Americans, we are accustomed to a certain level of communication, living standards etc. Israeli’s do things differently and on their own timeline. If you go in expecting things like they do here, you are going to be disappointed. Go with the flow and complain when absolutely necessary (i.e. safety, security).
► It will take your child until Chanukah to find their rhythm. Chagim at the beginning of the year, breed homesickness. It’s okay, if they miss home during this first month, it’s a family oriented time, and it’s ok to miss their shul, their family meals, and the way “it’s always been”, until this point in time.
► Try not to put your anxiety on them. It’s so hard to let them go but the year goes by quickly and (hopefully) they grow and mature so trust the process.
Have a Wonderful Year!
We hope this blog has been helpful. Please share your feedback with us if you have any comments, suggestions of questions. We wish you the best of luck for your GAP year in Israel.
At Pack for Israel we provide everything you need for your gap year in Israel. You can order bedding and towels, small appliances, toiletries, storage accessories, and more that will ship directly to your school in Israel.